In the early days

However we hear the news that someone has died we feel shocked. Even when we knew that the person had been very ill and was going to die is can feel like a shock.

Shock can make us feel numb, panicky,emotional and out of control. We can  feel sick, dizzy, shaky and faint. These can be so powerful they can make us feel out of control, helpful and bewildered. It can be hard to carry on with normal activities and you can find yourself making mistakes easily or not being able to concentrate. Gradually these feelings change and are not as powerful but they can last for several days or weeks.

This is how some people have tried to describe what grief is like;
Link coming soon..

It can be hard to believe that what has happened is true and you can find yourself talking about the person as if they were still alive and feel as if you might see them again just as you always did.This is normal and lots of people say that this has happened to them, especially in the early days after the death. If the person died suddenly or you hadn’t seen them much before they died this can also make it hard to believe what has happened and that they will not be coming back.

There is often much to do after someone dies
as we and others prepare to say goodbye to them. We usually do this at a funeral. Some funerals are very sad and lots of people are upset and cry. This is normal and healthy and a sign that we loved them, will miss them and are trying to come to terms with what has happened. Sometimes funerals can also have happier moments as we remember the good things about the person and feel glad that we knew them.

Depending on beliefs,  funerals can be very different in what happens on the day but all are a way to to say goodbye to the body of the person who died. it is usual for the body to be buried or cremated and it is important to remember that this cannot hurt the person that died because now their body has stopped working they cannot feel things anymore. Many people dislike funerals because they find it hard to control their emotions  and they do not like to see others upset but it is important to remember that we grief and cry because we loved or felt connected to the person who died or are shocked by what had happened.

Managing at school
Sometimes you will have had time off school when someone has died and you can feel anxious about going back. There is advice for professionals on this website to help them understand how they can help you. Maybe you would like to look at what other young people think that teacher’s can help  see ( link-  What young people would like to say to teachers) .

It is helpful to have a trusted adult in school  or college to talk to about this and arrange the kind of support that is helpful to you. Why not tell them about this website so that they can find out how to best help you.

Letting friends know
Nowadays many people will have let their friends know that their special person has died by using text or social media. Whilst this can make it easier to tell people rather than speaking to them in person remember that you will have less control over who sees your messages on some sites. Sometimes though, you might not have wanted to tell your friends. This can make it difficult for them to understand the changes in you as you grieve or for them to help you. Why not ask adults in school, let your friends know what had happened and how they can help?Friends can be a great support.

Be patient with yourself…..
Because we do not like many of the feelings and symptoms of grief after a bereavement we want to know how long they will continue. We worry they will never end or change. Everyone’s grief is different but our feelings and reactions do change over time. If we can take care of ourselves and allow ourselves to do things that we enjoy as well as grieving for our special person this will help.
This is the way some people have tried to describe how grief changes.
Link coming soon..

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