Support for Parents/Carers

Whatever our age, bereavement can be a confusing and frightening time.

When someone dies we can be totally unprepared to know how to best help our children and young people. This is a very distressing time and our natural desire is to try to protect them from unnecessary suffering. Although we mean well, this can sometimes cause greater difficulties later.

Our lives can feel as though they are turned upside down, there can be a lot of change and our every-day routines feel disrupted or even abandoned altogether.

With so much going on many of us can worry that our reactions are not normal. This is even more the case when we have children and young people to care for too. We feel powerless to help them.

Even though grief is unique to each person many reactions are common to all bereaved people – they are the signs that tell us and others that we are grieving.

What to tell the children?

Keep it simple

Stick to simple, clear explanations and answers to their questions, appropriate for their level of understanding – only answer the question they ask.

Be honest

Be honest about what has happened and what will happen next

Help them understand

Particularly to understand the grieving rituals such as funerals and memorials

Be patient

Behaviour may change or be challenging. Remember, everybody grieves differently and at their own pace.

Talk

Let them know it’s ok to express their emotions. Let them know their feelings will change over time.

Routines

Familiar routines can help a child to feel safe and secure, particularly if there is a lot of change going on around them.

Remember

Help them to find ways to remember the person who died.

How can Stand-by-me help?

Support Groups for Children & Young People

These groups provide a safe space for your child to share their experiences and emotions with others who understand how they feel.

Linus, Daisy, Harvey & James

WHAT WE DO

Parent/Carer Group

We run a group for parent/carers whose children are attending our groupwork programme. These are sessions to help you understand how your child is grieving and how you can support them.

We know from research that when parents/carers are supported they can demonstrate an enhanced capacity to support their children (The Harvard Child Bereavement Study 1996). Providing a supportive network for families by connecting them with others who have had similar experiences mitigates the negative outcomes often experienced by bereaved children and young people.

Support in Schools

We offer a programme of support for schools to support your child called ‘Contact-me’.

Find out if your child’s school has signed up here.

For more information Contact Us or call our support line 07469 255139

Supporting children Under 5

Children aged 2-5 years have a limited understanding of the permanence of death and may see it as reversible. They often interpret explanations literally and may create their own if necessary. Therefore, it’s essential to use clear and factual terms like “death” and “dying” to help your child understand. While euphemisms such as “gone to the stars/heaven”, “gone to sleep” or “we have lost Granny,” may seem kinder, they can cause confusion and anxiety about sleep, why a loved one went to “heaven” instead of staying with the family or where is Granny hiding.

Common Reactions in Children Aged 2-5:

Repeatedly asking the same questions and needing reassurance that the death was not their fault
Increased anger and tantrums, often linked to anxiety
Becoming clingier, not wanting to leave you
Withdrawal or increased anxiety
Reverting to earlier behaviours like bedwetting or thumb sucking

It’s important to have ongoing conversations with your child about the death, answering their questions and keeping the memory of the deceased alive in your discussions. Reassure them that they are loved and cared for and strive to maintain familiar routines and boundaries to provide a sense of stability during this difficult time.

Young children often struggle to understand the concept of death. To help them grasp the difference between being alive and dead, consider using simple, concrete examples. For instance, while in the garden, you could compare living and dead insects with your child. When discussing death, provide clear, age-appropriate information and patiently answer their questions. Ensure they comprehend what you’re saying by asking them to explain it back to you. It’s important to note that young children may frequently retell the story of a death or ask the same questions repeatedly. This doesn’t indicate a lack of understanding or poor explanation on your part. Rather, it’s their way of processing and coming to terms with what has happened. Be patient and consistent in your responses, as this repetition is a normal part of their grieving process.

For a selection of appropriate books to share with your child, please check our resources section below.

If you need additional information or advice, feel free to contact us on our

Support Line 07469 255139

How to support children & young people with Special Educational Needs

It may feel natural to try to shield children with SEN from complex emotions such as grief. However, we know that for all children and young people, not being included, or having information about the death of someone close kept from them can lead to feelings of fear and isolation. Particularly, when the death will lead to changes in a young person’s life such as moving home or school.

As we have said, everyone’s grief is unique to them, and this is also true of children and young people with SEN. It is important to share the news of the death of someone close to the young person in a way they can understand and to give them time and a safe, supportive space to process and express their feelings.

It can also be helpful to include your child in any memorial activities or rituals such as sending cards or making memory boxes, if that feels appropriate.

Both Winston’s Wish and Child Bereavement UK have detailed resources for parents/carers and schools to support children and young people with SEN.

Who else can help?

For Urgent Help If you are a bereaved young person experiencing a crisis, the Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger text service offers free, 24/7 support: Text WW to 85258 (available 24/7)

SUPPORT FOR PARENTS/CARERS

Whatever our age, bereavement can be a confusing and frightening time.​

What to tell the children?

How can Stand-by-me help?

Support Groups for Children & Young People

Linus, Daisy, Harvey & James

Parent/Carer Group

Support in Schools

Supporting children Under 5

How to support children & young people with Special Educational Needs

Who else can help?

Calm

Signpost

Sibling Support

Bereavement Support Resources in Other Languages

Spencer & Daisy open up about the death of a sibling

Sandbox

How gaming helps Hugo remember his dad

YoungMinds Parents’ Helpline

Mind

Winston’s Wish

Grief Encounter

Cruse Bereavement Support

Child Bereavement UK

Hope Again

Help 2 Make Sense

Young Minds

Apart of me

Grief Encounter Workbook

Anxiety UK

Samaritans

BetterSleep

Happify

WellMind

Breathe2Relax

Smiles and Tears

Filter Resources

For Urgent Help If you are a bereaved young person experiencing a crisis, the Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger text service offers free, 24/7 support: Text WW to 85258 (available 24/7)

Whatever our age, bereavement can be a confusing and frightening time.