SUPPORT FOR PARENTS/CARERS
Whatever our age, bereavement can be a confusing and frightening time.
When someone dies we can be totally unprepared to know how to best help our children and young people. This is a very distressing time and our natural desire is to try to protect them from unnecessary suffering. Although we mean well, this can sometimes cause greater difficulties later.
Our lives can feel as though they are turned upside down, there can be a lot of change and our every-day routines feel disrupted or even abandoned altogether.
With so much going on many of us can worry that our reactions are not normal. This is even more the case when we have children and young people to care for too. We feel powerless to help them.
Even though grief is unique to each person many reactions are common to all bereaved people – they are the signs that tell us and others that we are grieving.
What to tell the children?
Keep it simple
Stick to simple, clear explanations and answers to their questions, appropriate for their level of understanding – only answer the question they ask.
Be honest
Be honest about what has happened and what will happen next
Help them understand
Particularly to understand the grieving rituals such as funerals and memorials
Be patient
Behaviour may change or be challenging. Remember, everybody grieves differently and at their own pace.
Talk
Let them know it’s ok to express their emotions. Let them know their feelings will change over time.
Routines
Familiar routines can help a child to feel safe and secure, particularly if there is a lot of change going on around them.
Remember
Help them to find ways to remember the person who died.
How can Stand-by-me help?
Support Groups for Children & Young People
These groups provide a safe space for your child to share their experiences and emotions with others who understand how they feel.
Linus, Daisy, Harvey & James
For more information Contact Us or call our helpline 07469 255139
Parent/Carer Group
We run a group for parent/carers whose children are attending our groupwork programme. These are sessions to help you understand how your child is grieving and how you can support them.
We know from research that when parents/carers are supported they can demonstrate an enhanced capacity to support their children (The Harvard Child Bereavement Study 1996). Providing a supportive network for families by connecting them with others who have had similar experiences mitigates the negative outcomes often experienced by bereaved children and young people.
Support in Schools
We offer a programme of support for schools to support your child called ‘Contact-me’. Click here see if your child’s school has signed up.
How to support children & young people with Special Educational Needs
It may feel natural to try to shield children with SEN from complex emotions such as grief. However, we know that for all children and young people, not being included, or having information about the death of someone close kept from them can lead to feelings of fear and isolation. Particularly, when the death will lead to changes in a young person’s life such as moving home or school.
As we have said, everyone’s grief is unique to them, and this is also true of children and young people with SEN. It is important to share the news of the death of someone close to the young person in a way they can understand and to give them time and a safe, supportive space to process and express their feelings.
It can also be helpful to include your child in any memorial activities or rituals such as sending cards or making memory boxes, if that feels appropriate.
Both Winston’s Wish and Child Bereavement UK have detailed resources for parents/carers and schools to support children and young people with SEN.
Who else can help?
Sandbox
The Sandbox is an NHS-funded service to support children and young people in Hertfordshire and South Staffordshire with their mental health and well-being. Sandbox
YoungMinds Parents’ Helpline
The Parents Helpline is available to offer advice to parents and carers worried about a child or young person under 25. You may have questions about…
Mind
Provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. Campaigning to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding. Mind Website
Winston’s Wish
Supporting bereaved children and providing specialist child bereavement support services across the UK, including in-depth therapeutic help in individual, group and residential settings. Winston’s Wish Website
Grief Encounter
Free support to bereaved children and their families to help alleviate the pain caused by the death of someone close. Grief Encounter Website
Cruse Bereavement Support
National charity for bereaved people in England, Wales and Northern Ireland offering support, advice and information to children, young people and adults when someone dies. Cruse…
Child Bereavement UK
Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying, or when a child is facing…
Hope Again
Hope Again is the youth website of Cruse Bereavement Care. It is a safe place where you can learn from other young people, how to cope…
Help 2 Make Sense
UK’s leading charity fighting for children and young people’s mental health. Help 2 Make Sense Website
Young Minds
UK’s leading charity fighting for children and young people’s mental health. Young Minds Website
Apart of me
Apart of Me is a game designed to help you cope with the death of a loved one. Based on psychological research, the app provides a safe virtual space…
Grief Encounter Workbook
A workbook to encourage conversations with children, young people and adults about death. Grieving is hard work, especially for parents and children in deep grief. The…
Anxiety UK
Anxiety UK is a dedicated, friendly and approachable charity that believes that anxiety, stress and anxiety-based depression are treatable and manageable. It offers a range of…
Samaritans
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BetterSleep
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Happify
The Happify app is a way to make a game of all the positive psychology tricks you know might work, but make you feel kind of…
WellMind
WellMind is a free NHS mental health and wellbeing app designed to help with stress, anxiety and depression. The app includes advice, tips and tools to…
Breathe2Relax
The relaxation app trains you on the ‘belly breathing’ technique that has proven benefits for your overall mental health. Breathe2Relax is a portable stress management tool…
Smiles and Tears
An interactive tool to record memories, send gifts and write thoughts, feelings and emotions. Also includes tips on how to manage emotions such as anger, confusion,…