Vikki’s Story

When her son, Kai, died, Vikki and her family struggled to cope with their unimaginable grief. Here, Vikki explains how Stand-by-me helped them find a place to talk about their feelings and remember him together.

Tucking my son into bed, I never imagined that would be the last time I would get to see his little face. The next morning, one day before Kai’s 16th birthday I went to wake him as usual and found him cold and still. We lost Kai to SUDEP (sudden unexpected death in epilepsy). My whole world ended, I dropped to my knees and screamed until my lungs burnt. My children saw everything. Those minutes, hours, days, weeks all rolled into one. Time stood still and I was lost. I didn’t eat, sleep, or talk, I spent my time laying on Kai’s bed staring into space, the only noise to leave me would be a horrible wailing sound. My children had their own struggle, their own grief and their own pain they were dealing with. That’s when Stand-by-me stepped in.

My children attended the meetings and got their feelings out in group sessions. They painted memories, filled jars with moments, and with each stroke of the paint brush I saw little glimpses of their old selves. They looked forward to going somewhere that was safe, where others understood their pain, where they didn’t have to put on a front and pretend, they were ok. They could be sad, but more and more I noticed them smile after each week. Daisy loved Stand-by-me so much she became an ambassador for them.

Stand-by-me has helped my family so much and continues to do so. We love the Remember-me Days where we all come together, release doves, paint stones and talk about the loved ones we have lost. It is like a little family, each child has sadness in their eyes, but little by little you can see the sparkle and joy returning to them. I will forever be grateful to them.

“Talking about their brother really helped them, and it helped me, I realised that if they could smile and remember the good times I could too.”

Vikki